Hide & Go Vice

Picture it.  Saturday night.  Manhattan.  Would you be surprised to learn that it was a crime scene?  It was.  I was the criminal.  After Shabbat, Daniel and I attended a birthday celebration at a lounge near Columbia.  A housemate of mine arranged an open-bar situation for him and sixty of his closest friends.  It was fabulous, from what I remember.  As usual, I got toasted.

Later in the night, I was shocked by my own behavior.  There's no other way to describe it except in one word: asshole.  Once I've been drinking, two sensations always emerge.  I crave a cigarette, and I think I'm hot stuff; I just feel beautiful.

The deviant behavior arose during my pageant-in-a-bottle.  Instead of buying new clothes or taking off what I had on, I decided to go and feel single.  It's madness!  I began to check out the scene.  I wanted to know who was single, who came alone, who's looking to come later and with whom, etc.  Madness.  Sheer madness.

The worse part is that Daniel was with me the whole time.  What the fuck, right?!?  He was sooo hip to my craziness.  I am positive that I don't miss being single.  Why the fuck did I need to act like it?  I was disappointed when boys would not look at me.  One almost talked to me.  I eyed him; Daniel eyed me.  What the fuck?  If it weren't for my boyfriend and my professors, I wouldn't speak to men at all.  Why would I want to get one's attention?

The solution?  Simple: more alcohol. I drank and drank ... I don't remember coming home. Once again, Daniel helped me out.  Really, so he did everything.  He was a saint.  Was he offended?  Probably.  But, did he complain? Not at all.  While I don't remember the ride home, I do remember rewarding the boyfriend for a soirée well done.  I hope I made it worth his ride.

I thought that alcohol was an escape.  I've been betrayed by my own vice.  It seems that even there I cannot hide.  Now, I only have one escape: sleep.  I suppose that I can hide in my slumber until my dreams become too real.  You can't owe money in your unconscious, can you?