The Italian Job

The sexless among us might consider this insult to injury, but I must report one of the benefits of the often-dreaded single life. Sorry, gals, but our fabulous friend at Yeshiva University takes home the prize for “Best Reason to Keep Dating.”

This week, our homeboy met a hunky 36 year-old, Italian hair salon owner in Midtown East. A flirt-filled eyebrow job on Sunday afternoon meant only one thing: the full head job on Wednesday’s late shift. Despite the stylist’s girlfriend and his constant assertions that he’s straight, there was intense chemistry between him and Isaac. Having dismissed the staff at closing time, the two were left alone to confront the tension.

They went for friendly drinks after the complimentary do. Not yet satisfied, they needed privacy. Our stallion had a car, and he drove it all the way back home, where they both ascended to the fifth floor and to hours of raw and euphoric sex. [Insert screams].

What makes this absolutely fabulous is that not only did some hair get done, some drinks consumed, some money saved on a cab, but all sorts of jobs were done with this stallion of an Italian. I’m not sure if hairdressers are considered blue-collared. I am assured, however, that he was charming, powerful, and intoxicating. In short, you cain’t have just the one.

I gladly interrupted my sound sleep to receive the call that proved to me that single people seem to have inherited all of the joy that paired people used to possess. I’m convinced: bliss is recycled and conserved, like karma. Remember when we too were like that? There had to have been a reason for it. Perhaps, there’s just a certain sexiness in not knowing the hang-ups of the person with whom we’re involved. Once divulged, those exciting jobs of late become the looooong careers of now.

This is all cynical; I know. The grass is always greener; I know. But, there’s hope for us. All it takes is one haircut, and then the coupled among us may again end up overcome with the hot delight that we once found in being single. Until then, live it up, my single sistas!