Fried & Fucked

What if they put me behind a counter?!?!

Let me esssplain. After a cheap and filling Indian buffet in Murray Hill yesterday, Daniel and I walked up to 34^th and Park. There’s a chain of kosher places there because it’s at Stern College for Girls. I don’t understand why there’s even food up there! Everyone knows that these Orthodox girls refuse to eat until they’re engaged. And, even then, they abstain from bread and salad dressing. If I were a Stern girl, I’d never be married. I choose food, and it shows.

The point (sorry): At Eee’s Café, we stocked up on some pastries since we hardly ever make the trek over to the East Side. The guys behind the counter were upbeat despite working in a kosher joint that specializes in breakfast foods for just-out-of bed Orthodox businessmen. The workers were cute and Jewish. They didn’t look at us grotesquely when we ordered a huge chocolate danish, four rugelachs, and a chocolate chip cookie. (We were really there for jelly doughnuts, but they politely claimed that they’re only on sale at Chanukka. That is so a lie, because I know that I stuffed my face with many jelly doughnuts from Eee’s in February!)

The real point: these guys seemed normal. They were polite despite their kosher setting. (NYC kosher restaurants are infamous for their rude service.) They were cute. They were unmarried (I checked). What if that happens to me?!? I’m a cute, polite, jobless Jew!

Needless to kvech, this damned job search has turned out more fruitless than an outdoor football game! Hunting is so much harder than dating! What if I fail and end up serving bagels and lox to old, religious Republicans before the sun rises?!? It could happen.

I know that I shouldn’t worry, but I already have a hard enough time evading fried dough. If I should be employed with it, we’d fall instantly in love! In that case, I’d have a job and no mans: only a weight problem. Okay, I know that I wouldn’t be single if I had an affair with a bakery, but still ... I’m nervous. I need a job at the right place! I just can't end up making the wrong kind of dough.