The Flung Fling

Like an overplayed albeit beloved new song, there are few things like relationship burnout. I know all too well that, after an intense break-up, we have our sights set on selfish sessions. Such is the case of a girlfriend of mine whose ex-boyfriend needed a nanny more than he needed a real date. Now, my sista’ isn’t looking for anything serious, but after a few weeks of dater’s detox, she is looking for something.

Therein lies the problem. When you aren’t looking for something, it’s always in your way. When you need it … you can guess. Until recently, I believed that the only trait straight men had in common (besides colorblindness) was their hunger for relations of the no-strings-attached variety. I was wrong.

Homegirl’s latest catch is just that. He’s cute, Ivy league educated, and less socially awkward than the last one. He spends hours doing a variety of high-endurance sports. The most convenient part is that he’s in New York for the summer. After having expressed interest in homegirl, we learned that he’s straight, not so religious, and single. He’s perfect for that unplanned-but-long-awaited summer fling! Right? Or, did I miss something?

Um, it appears that my girlfriend and I missed the memo from UHM (the Union of Heterosexual Males) stating its new platform on gratuitous fornication. Less sex in a relationship is understandable. But for fun and for free?!? A schismatic minority is choosing to refrain from casual sex in favor of … of … well, we don’t really know. Video games? High-endurance sports? Marriage? The GOP’s Annual Bigot Be Good award? Other men?

Like many couples’ conversations, they talked, but nothing was said. They both ruled out amicably anything long-term. They’re still interested in each other, but it seems that he’s taking everything slowly. We’re all afraid that if he goes too slowly, someone’s gonna miss her chance. Growing up in the days when men would do anything for nights with no post-coital responsibility, I am shocked

While I respect the right of men to choose what they do wif they bodies, I feel that, at times, you just gotta let a bitch know wassup. This new generation is confusing. Is it because they know we’re talking about them, good or bad? Do they fear not measuring up?

If I could, I’d blame the Republicans. This case is hard to pin on them because they’re usually the ones who can’t keep their pants on. No, it makes sense that our services are being out-sourced by the low-cost, easily obtained market of Internet porn. And, I thought technology was supposed to make life easier.