Tripping Over Milestones

As the sun was setting this Friday, I noticed that I wasn’t rushing as I usually do. Clunking around in borrowed Kenneth Cole footwear, I realized that I had accomplished everything that I wanted with no sweat running down the side of my head, the way it’s usually done.

With the arrival of Shabbat, I remembered that one year had passed since the evening on which I had driven across the George Washington Bridge into Manhattan after a three-day trip with Ravit and a moving truck. It’s so surreal that I attended her wedding in Brooklyn last Sunday. What’s even more of surprise is that I am still in the City. Who knew?

Okay. The big anniversary. Saturday. Dating. Ten years. Sentences fail me. Oop, there was one. As evening fell on 12 August and as the Shabbos Queen departed, I sat and thought of the time when it all began, when I began dating. I was elated! Clayton Walker happened to me over the phone on the evening before the first day of high school. He was the subject of countless notes passed in class and in hallways. We had become friends almost two years before when a mutual friend “set us up” because we both reminded her of the other. Who knew?

My first boyfriend means less when I think about him and the ones who followed. What I recall is the freedom that I felt with guy number one. It was the freedom to love anyone. It was the freedom to share that love with everyone. Let’s be honest: who wasn't sick of hearing about it after a week? But, I had voice! I was living. For ten years, I’ve continued.

A decade of dating. For what? In high school, the goal was a boyfriend. Soon thereafter, it became sex. Then, good sex. For many, the goal is now marriage. I hear it too often. “Dating is really just the road to marriage. Why date if you're not looking to get married?” people tell me. I used to believe that. Ten years later, I think of dating as I do eating. Sure, you’ve got to do it to survive, but who really thinks about food that way? In the West, food isn’t always about survival. Dating isn’t always about marriage. It satisfies our spirits. Eating and dating have both become art in which most enjoy dabbling. Both gladden the people that they bring together.

Dating is about the need to love. Marriage is about the need to recognize a love that is already there. Love exists with or without a ceremony. We often forget: first, comes love; then, comes marriage. In a world of million-dollar weddings, dating doesn’t seem so hard ... or expensive. Doing it in New York, even after a year, is another story.