Unpacking to Exhale

Another year. Another reason to clean out the proverbial skeletons in the closet out of which I flamboyantly dashed over ten years ago. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the baggage that I carry; who doesn't? I’m one of those people who always over-packs for trips. After all, one should always be prepared for weather or men of any kind.

Anyone who travels knows about baggage. Who doesn’t dread the impossible task of unpacking what we thought we would need but ultimately didn’t use? True to form, my suitcase is still sitting by my door from Rosh ha-Shannah in Texas. What is it about unloading baggage that we hate so much? And, it's not just oversized suitcases. Whether it be work, love, or family, why do we continue to shoulder what we should shove?

The hints that tell us we need to shed are subtle. I realized that I had been putting off so much when I was trying to sip some Diet Coke with my leg behind my back somewhere between sore and unconciousness. It was impossible to drink without staining my DKNY workout attire. I realized that I was bending badly.

“I could use some more regular running,” I thought. As I inhaled, I recognized the violence of my thinking. Running? What the fuck?!? If I smoked, maybe I wouldn’t have such unhealthy thoughts of repeatedly bobbing into the air over gravel. Alas, health is becoming more of an issue. This year, I’m hoping to be more conscious of what’s really important. Why is it, at times, so hard to tell the difference between baggage and what we really need?

Obligations to family and friends remain a cherished priority. I try to be aware of the good times, even as I can’t stop replaying the embarrassing times in my head. I have accepted that there are people whom I wish would leave me alone. It sounds hostile, but it’s real. I can only be so annoyed before I conjure some clever insult meant to butcher in the bud. Nipping, dear friends, is for amateurs.

Essential to the shedding of baggage is remembering that body and soul are affected not only by exercise and meditation but also by the current size of one's budget. She who shops, is ... umm ... healthy or something. I'm sure I read that in something Eastern or kabbalistic. Anyway, I often forget that the state of my soul is as important as the state of schoolwork or relationships. As people matter, so too does solitude matter. This year, I want to be able to discern what I really need and what weighs me down.

To be sure, baggage can be useful, lest we resolve to shed too much. While I have abandoned the hope of dressing in the funky (and tiny) clothes that I still have from high school, I haven’t given up on staying in shape. Besides, how else can I escape those awkward moments with weirdoes if I can’t drop all the baggage at hand and jog away as quickly as they’re approaching?