Holiday Heat

I spent the last two nights with my faaahbulous friend Erin Caro. It was all about looking good and drinking it up. Ben came into town Sunday afternoon since we were all off of work for the 4th of July holiday on Monday. It was so awesome to see him! We all went to celebrate my being fabulous. The whole night was filled with cheap drinks, high heels, sweaty dancing, cute guys, and most importantly: air conditioning. I thought that I couldn’t have been happier until, of course, the last bar, which was so straight and frat-filled.

I told my girlfriends Alli and Irit that the guy with whom they was schmoozing was a hUnK! When I realized that he had heard my loud ass, I thought, “Wow, I couldn’t be more mortified!” That was until I BURNED him with my cigarette as he tried to shake my hand. Then, I was really embarrassed. After that, I just resolved to ignore him and look away until he passed. This guy was tall, buff, a twenty-something, with a TAN and a killer smile. I felt as tall as Robby’s penis is long. Not very.

Apparently, I was ignoring him, much to his chagrin. He attempted to speak to me many times. I thought it was a cruel game. Why do I need to chat a with gorgeous, straight frat boy? In all his frustration he came up to me and said, “Okay, I’m just going to give you my number.” I was confused with my mouth wide open and my eyes fixed on his pecs. “Take out your phone,” he commanded. I was still confused but not dumb. I was gonna get them digits.

So, I ended up getting three things from him that night: his number, his first name (Eric), AND (I know what youse thinking, but no) the fact that he was a HOMO in a straight bar, like me.

I asked him if he was Jewish, seeing as how he was drawn to all my princess girlfriends (we gotsta stick tagetha’, ya know). I thought that they was just referring him to me. His reply was, “No, but I get that a lot.” He walked away with that smile and them shoulders. Hot!!! But not my type. Go fucking figure.