Everyone Must Be Looking

As a quondam single person, I believed that few tasks in life were worse than dating. It was more than just the upsetting meals with mannerless men or waiting for the follow up phoning which felt like forever. It was the shamelesss competition that I could not tolerate. While I dated my unfair share of business majors, I never shared their careerist ideas about networking and self-selling. To me, it always felt like soul-selling.

I have, however, encountered a new low in searching: job hunting. Why is this still so hard? I know I’m great. My résumé states that I’m experienced. I’ve found a successful relationship sans résumé. Is it because I’m in New York? Are there really more illustrious people here with whom to compete than the City's sidewalks would suggest?

Statistically, I had fewer chances of finding this relationship last year than I do finding a job now. I can do plenty of jobs. I cannot, contrary to popular belief, do as many men. I’m picky! I sought erudition, tolerance, experience, attractiveness, Jewishness, ambition in all of the men of Manhattan. These kind of men are rarer than a good kosher wine. How is it that I found the Daniel-in-the-haystack but not the job? I’ve been here for over ten months now?!?

To be honest, the score is currently even. I’ve had two jobs and two boyfriends in the NYC. Neither job has yet paid me. Jared is no longer here. Daniel loves New York the way I love clearance racks; he can’t get enough. A score of two to two just seems like too little after too long.

If we were required to maintain relationship résumés, what would they look like? What would mine look like? How would anyone have excellent references? Who would really want to be contacted as the “previous employer?” If the references were worth anything, wouldn’t we still be in those relationships? Would we have to get personal about sex? Most importantly, how would I keep mine at an appropriate length?