Tikkun Our Men

It’s been said that men have a natural aversion to asking for directions whenever they’re lost. If ever Congress desired to pass an amendment declaring a truth to be self-evident, it should be this one. I would author and sponsor it myself.

In the subtext of such an amendment, it should be included that the fear of asking for directions is in no way limited to trips by automobile. Oh, no. Let it be known that most counsel will not be considered on most occasion: assembling household items, at the voting booths, at the video store, and (surprise, surprise) in a relationship.

No, it should surprise no one that I (of all people) have something to say about the boys among our men. Be aware: while this is not coming out of my relationship, I have a history of dealing with such guys. A few girlfriends have recently divulged that they, however, have found themselves with men who are otherwise charming and fun. The problem arises, once disoriented, when they are slow to inquire about where they made that bad left turn.

I have noticed that men will happily take the lead if directed in advance with no assault to their ego. When one sista' in specific recently confessed her recent ex’s cluelessness, I told her that it sounded to me like a classic case of "in the middle of nowhere" à la boyfriend. It was surely a relationship, as I had come to know them.

"Relationship, my ass," she responded. "It sounds more like a relationshit."

Now, who could argue wif dat? If it’s not us, it’s Hollywood dictating the proper etiquette and expectations that happy relationships require. I blame television, movies, and Maxim for getting men lost. Their guides are misleading. In a world where people are often expected to act like they know what they’re doing, where do we draw the line between going wif da flow and flowing up shit creek?

We require tests for aspiring drivers. Athletes take drug tests. Hell, you need a bachelor’s before you can even consider applying to the higher education of trade schools, I mean, law, medical, and business school. I propose, instead of the doomed amendment above, advocating legislation that would require a test for all potential daters. Certification would be ideal; but, at the very least, there should be a DIQ (dating intelligence quotient). Let’s be real, we could all benefit from some DIQ before we get in too deep.