Guess who’s been doin’ some snoopin’? I’m so shocked that I can’t even share. But, who could resist? After almost a decade of dating, I just haven’t been hip to this boy crisis. No, I don’t mean the “crisis” of waning numbers of men in college. Who’s really surprised? Which crisis, then, you ask? This crisis is more private.I’ve been putting together the pieces of a very prude puzzle. Among the sampled survey, and overwhelming number of men in my and my girlfriends’ lives are sexually inexperienced. And, I don’t just mean bad in bed. We’re talking the big V here. Before going into depth, one must remember that most (though not all) of the men I have in mind are straight, urban, and Jewish. It’s not the most representative sample, but it’s a start.
Let’s be honest: I had no idea. For all the crude talking that men do, I expected that they were speaking from some kind of experience. The attitudes I’ve encountered have led me to believe that these guys are fairly familiar with intimacy and carnal pleasure. When conjuring up ideas of “masculinity,” especially in the case of college graduates, I’d hate to think that sexual inexperience is among the traits. I've discovered that “being a guy” often means being sexually clueless. It’s an incredibly good act.
Only having spoken to a few guys candidly, I often hear, “I chose to wait until I had girlfriend.” I can’t help thinking aloud, “Now, is that really a choice?!?” What I’m hearing is, “I chose not to have sex until someone was willing to do it with me.” I dunno. It sounds like revisionist history to me.
Waiting until college is one thing. I can pretend to see the benefits of enjoying one’s celibate youth for as long as high school will permit. Holding out after that, however, requires membership in some conservative Christian denomination or uncertainty about one’s sexual identity. I’ve heard all the arguments about “waiting,” and none have been persuasive. It’s like putting off learning how to read.
I’m convinced that the rules prohibiting intercourse before marriage were written by men with tiny penises who would probably never get married if their fiancées knew that they’d never be able to feel sex with their husbands. I propose that the only thing that waiting does for twenty-somethings is fuck up sex lives when we’re ready to give some winner a chance in bed.
Some of these men are otherwise good-looking guys with only traces of socially awkward traits. So, why are they coming to class unprepared, slowing down the whole getting-to-know-you process? Hands down, I have more girlfriends who have been the first for they man than vice versa! Not all of my friends can be sluts, can they? How is it that many of their boyfriends (most older) are still virgins? Help me out; I’m stumped! If ever there were a boy crisis, it's this one. Now, where's a man when you need one?
2 comentarios:
I'm still the big V. You're shocked, I'm sure. I do know a few guys who are also. I don't know what their deal is, but most of them cite religion and/or the idea that intimacy is an important act. There are also STD issues and PC issues (one guy didn't even want to make the first move to make out with me because he didn't want to offend me in any way).
I agree that remaining a virgin definitely a choice. I've had the chance to have sex with a few guys, but for various reasons chose not to; maybe it's the same for some guys? There's more pressure on guys to have sex than girls so I think that they're more apt to lie about it. The U.S. is terribly sexually repressed. I blame so called "moral values."
Cassandra,
It never ocurred to me that not everyone was up to it. Sex is all around, wherever I've been. Some weeks, I've had a harder time getting ripe fruit than getting laid, boyfriend or not.
I completely agree with you. The US is terribly sexually repressed. Too many times, I've stumbled upon men's secret sexual behavior. I also agree that guys must be lying about their exerience. As I see it, the only bigger lie is the "moral values" bit.
I blame religion for not advocating a intelectual responsibility where sex is concerned. Instead of condemning all extra-marital sex, religion should remind us that healthy sexual activity can exist in- and outside of intimate relationships. Just as sex before marriage can do damage, so can some marital acts.
In traditonal Judaism and Islam, authorities do little to teach their men about bona fide self-control and concentration. Instead, they prohibit women from being present while men pray anywhere. Women can sit behind men to pray, they claim, for women have the control, but women may not be within a man's sight during prayer.
In addition, modesty regulations are exponentially more numerous for wmen than for men. Traditional clerics would rather have their women covered from hair to toe before they instruct their men about controlling their own minds and bodies.
Sex is more complicated than some evangelical preachers would like to think. Sometimes, we need more than a commitment; sometimes, what we need is a clue and a condom.
While I value the ideas of choice and prudence with regard to sexual partners, I thought that my peers were being more honest than I discovered. I've concluded that the "moral values" excuse is about as credible as the talking that some men do.
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