Oh Brother!

Daniel’s birthday and brother kept me far away from doing what I normally do. Now, I’m playing catch up. Like every holiday and/or family gathering, the awkwardness was pervasive. Who woulda thunk it? Meeting Daniel’s parents was more enjoyable than my first encounters with his friends or his brother.

David reminds me of Daniel when we first met. And, why not? They grew up in the same home, went to college together, and they ended up in graduate programs in the sciences. Nerds of a feather?

While Daniel is a much better listener, it always amazes me when people with relatively little life experience pontificate the values that they have only been spoon-fed. These people criticize a life that they have never known. I sense resentment for not "fiiting in," not bone fide grievances. Daniel and I often fought over these very issues. I couldn’t believe it, but we were involved in our very own culture wars.

Conservatives don’t bother me because they’re religious. Hell, I’m a Jew who won’t squeeze a sponge on Shabbat. I’m not even bothered that conservatives see sex as something sacred. Who wouldn't agree?!? A mon avis, sex is like communion; I believe that it should be enjoyed at least once a week. Conservatives make me crazy because they can’t ejaculate until everyone is doing things the way they are. It isn't the liberal Christians who want Jews and Muslims to convert. You guessed it; it's the Conservatives. Not all women use the rhythm method. Conservatives wish to block all women from their rights to a legal abortion. They're even willing to make laws to keep all families looking like theirs.

I’m a vegetarian who wouldn’t dream of keeping a rabid Republican away from his red meat. Who could deny anything to a bigot who’s foaming at the mouth? If someone so arrogant feels that he has a monopoly on “values” or “orthodox” religion, I would reverently request that he keep his ideas about the impending Armageddon to his local First-Amendment-protected Klan chapter and out of civil legislation.

After almost nine months, Daniel has reconsidered his rough rhetoric and quick condemnations. Five days with Daniel’s brother reminded me of what life was like when Daniel and I first met. Unlike his parents, David had no interest in speaking to me except to disapprove of the absence of an American flag in my apartment on Independence Day. I even had to sit through his sincere attempt to persuade me that “guns don’t kill people; people kill people.” All that I learned: conservatives make people kill people.