Shortcomings ...

One afternoon of handing out fliers on campus with three other amigas advertising Shabbat 1000, I spotted two guys: one I wish that I had, and the other I’ve already had.

The first is one after whom I have secretly lusted for months. He has three majors in two colleges, reads Latin, is writing a thesis, has been accepted to Univ. of Chicago graduate school, and is balding!!! His erudition, ambition, and mousey-ness turn me on so much! Too bad that he's in the closet and a very religious Catholic.

In addition to ruh-ruh Randy, another "R" man made his way into my view. After exchaning glances on campus, he called to set up a rendez-vous. I have been sleeping with this guy (who shall remain nameless) since my freshman year of college. I'm sad to admit that it was I who "broke him," so to speak. Since then, we've had an on-again-off-again arrangement.

So, during Pesach, I made my way over to his West Campus apartment and proceeded to have the worst sex since ... well ... since the last time we had. What really sucks about the whole thing (pardon the pun) is that he gets upset with me when he performs poorly. Talk about insult to injury. I wish I didn't like him so much; otherwise, I wouldn't have spent the last four years fucking him.

Hello, it sucks for me too! I like him; that's the only reason for which I have continued to go back to his bed. I wonder if he'll call. We have a history! Damn business majors and their fucking shortcomings!