Hardly Hip ... or Hard

My fabulous friend Carly Siegel once commented on the nature of relationships. "A relationship without the relations is just ... well ... a hip." Unfortunately, I just laughed. I should have asked her to elaborate. What did she mean? A sex-less relationship can't be hip; can it? Was she being saracastic? Did she mean that it was like a hip ... maybe a broken hip, a fake hip, a boney hip?

I'm thinking about this because I had a long talk with another fabulous friend Erin, a writer and nascent West Texas resident who moved from Austin less than a week after I did. She moved to persue her writing in the quiet Texas desert ... and to be with her ex-beau. Now, she's worried about the sex. He's completely stopped. Erin confessed that if he lacked a sex drive, she would be willing to work with him. That, sadly for her, is not the problem. Her man, like so many others, has a bigger problem. He has chosen to be inimate with another box ... his computer. The only time he every gets off is when he gets on-line.

When did porn replace the real thing? If it co-existed, we might be more understanding. If single man need a little to get them by until they acquire the real thing, I understand. But what do you do when he refuses to let go of his first love? What if that's what he needs to be thoroughly satisified?

This is not a problem that my girlfriend is dealing with alone. So many of my coupled friends have these problems. Most have learned to adapt. I am no longer surprised to learn that most of my paired pals had more sex when they were single and nomadic than with their present partners. Why are men so fucked up when it comes to fucking? Some men require so much! And, at times, what they need has little to do with sex ... at least, "sex" as I know it. Some men require their lovers to stand on their heads translating Latin texts of old Roman sewer systems while a delivery guys rings the doorbell to a Billy Joel tune. It can get to be a bit much; that's all I'm saying.

There is no doubt that sex is an intimate act. It involves the most private of parts and practices. For men, sex seems to have become so personal that another person is just too much. For even more men, communication is just a downer. Maybe this is the reason that there are so many single gals. There are just too many happily solo guys.

I haven't seen Carly in a while. We had Hebrew together last semester. I suppose that I'll see her when classes resume next Tuesday. It's been a nice winter break. I'm sad to see it over so quickly. Meanwhile, I'll be waiting here with my boyfriend in New York, thinking, translating, and being hip.