One Year & Restless

I'm impressed with myself. Yesterday marked one year of blogging. It's been a commitment from which I could have easily strayed, like so many ... which leads me to thinking about those from which I am still absconding. I'm not really beating the system. I'm getting away with nothing more than a few ounces of sanity; I swear.

So what is it with the morose attitude?it's like a mild depression, and it won't go away. Is it just that I have too many obligations that I can't meet? When will things get better? All I ever want to do is sleep and drink. My poor boyfriend has to bear all that yields from my angst; he's been great.

On Saturday night, the Daniel and I met up with the Danielle on the corner of First Avenue and sober. She moved to NYC around the same time that I did. Last weekend, she visited Austin, my beloved city on the many hills. Even with a fabulous job and salary on which she can afford to be generous, she confessed that it was still difficult for her to return to New York at the end of the weekend.

Homegirl lives in Park Slope, one of the nicest and hippest parts of the Brooklyn. If ever a Texan could be mistaken for a New Yorker, it be Danielle. While we were roaming through the Lower East Side, someone stopped her to ask directions claiming, "you look like you know where you're going." If even Danielle is having a hard time with this isle of inconvenience, it's no surprise that I am too.

Some perspective: I have a fabulous boyfriend; yet, I'm lonely. I live in the nation's liveliest city, and all I want to do is sleep. I've had a job for well over a month, and I still haven't been paid. I've graduated college, and I'm still not finished.

Everyday is a struggle in New York. If I had family here, it might be different. If I had money, things would definitely be nicer (I would be able to eat, at the very least). When will I be satisfied with my seemingly fabulous life? When will just being in Manhattan be enough? One year of blogging later, I still don't have any answers.