Listening for the Weather

We are in what some might call the “eye of the storm.” It’s chol ha’mo-ed, the in-between days of Passover. I just survived three days of doing nothing but eating, sleeping, reading, and, of course, praying. We’re a bit back to normal, save the horrible Passover diet. I know it’s horrible, but the end of this festival couldn’t come fast enough for me.

I’m also weathering another storm. Daniel and I are celebrating six months of togetherness today. We are hardly, however, the envied couple. We’ve become comfortable with each other. It’s safe to say that few want to be Daniel and me. We’re at a different place than we were that Sunday in October. Both of us are full of questions about our future. Why do so many relationships end up here? And, do any survive this fork in the road, or are both roads doomed?

If this isn’t bad enough, my baby sister has now added Daniel to her canon of people for whom she prays before bed. His position? Yes, Daniel comes just after Keith, my last serious boyfriend of almost a year and a half. I’m glad someone’s keeping count!

Perhaps my trip to Austin will give us the “space” we need to sort out our feelings. I know that sounds cliché, but what else do we have? He’s been pissy, and I’m just pissed. I don’t want to be an actor in a hypothetically good relationship. I need to be a real player in a true union of two people. What does that take after six months?

It’s Passover; New York City is heating up. It’s the first real week of spring. Texas will be even hotter. How is it, then, that I am still walking around with the proverbial rain cloud above my head? I can already feel it fucking up my hair.