Over the Rainbow

I’m so behind. Tomorrow, 06-06-06, is Isaac’s birfday. The boy has it all: fabulous looks, Prada shoes, a fresh bachelor’s degree, all of his hair, and a large assortment of admirers. What do I get him? The only desires that he has expressed to me lately is my need for more gay friends!?! I was shocked. I always thought that I had more than enough homo homies.

Isaac is upset that I don’t attend gay events with him as often as he’d like. The truth is that gay men and I share little in common. Sure, we all love fashion, dancing, and men. My relationship, however, is the perfect escape. Okay, so Daniel loves musicals (ick!), but he hates bars. He doesn’t dance; he detests drinking. Luckily, most of Daniel’s gay friends hide behind their computer screens waiting for Prince Charming to IM. Like creationists, their myth has been made into fact.

I just can’t bar hop as much as I used to do. I sure as hell don’t go with the expectation of meeting someone illustrious. Such is not the case with Isaac. This cutie is on a mission that I’ve completed. I in no way feel compelled to wait around for the unreliable subway twice a week just to spend my dwindling capital on over-priced drinks. If Isaac will do this, then I understand. I was there once. I just can’t accompany him more than once a week.

Besides, I have to pee often, especially when I’m drinking. Maybe I wouldn’t hate the train so much if there were ONE bathroom in the NYC subway system that the millions of commuters could use. Maybe it wouldn’t smell! It’s a fact: I cannot sit on a train from Chelsea on a Saturday night. I will pee all over me.

To be honest: I feel that gay events are cheesy. I came out of the closet ten years ago this month. Homeboy has been out for ten months. It’s not that I’m ashamed to be gay; it’s just become old. Isaac attacks me when I express the desire to stay home with friends on Shabbat rather than attend one of the pride picnics or parades.

He accused me of not supporting the gay community the way that I support women’s issues. I’m offended because I support both communities. I admit that I feel women’s needs are more pressing. There are statistically more women in my life and in the world whose rights and bodies are still under assault. Empowering today’s women is the first step in civil rights for all. It may seem unfair, but let’s be honest: without women, gay men are nothing.

So, the solution's simple. What my fabulous gay friend needs is a woman.